Obituary of Marie E. Dougherty

OUR MOTHER'S JOURNEY WRITTEN BY HER DAUGHTER CATHERINE ANN Our Mother was so unique and fascinating to all her children. She had a way of showing us humor and knowledge in our daily living. She made up comical words and phrases and told us the best stories from the past for us to keep in the memory of "Our Treasure Chests;" In summary, "Ree-Ree was such a "character!" Nine months ago, our Mother began a slow decline that many of our family members could not see because it was periodic and so gradual. This fueled feelings of denial for some, because when they visited our Mother she was fine at that moment, and it was hard to understand just what was happening to her; However, Diane and Jack were able to note the changes, anticipate her needs and keep us informed which was especially important to me because I lived away from her in Texas. When I talked to our Mother on the telephone, I too was unable to detect any confusion but I was able to put the pieces together because of my background and with the help of my sister and brother-in-law, we were able to make sure that we honored our Mother's wishes for no further tests or hospitalizations and her right to die at home in a secure, loving environment with comfort, dignity, and respect. In our anticipation to follow our Mother's wishes, I responded to a newpaper advertizement for a hospice nurse during the summer and was able to learn more about dying, comfort and pallative care. I found out that our Mother fit the hospice criteria for admission even though her disease process was so vague. It was difficult to understand what was causing her subtle, altered mental changes though, and what label we would have to put on her, but finally, my sister and I were able to figure out that it was the disease process involving her blood vessels and that she was having mini-strokes TIA's that were not major enough to cause more pronounced symptoms, such as paralysis or a loss of other functions; So, with the help of hospice and many more blessings, our Mother began her journey and moved on over a period of forty-two days. There was so much insight that our Mother gave us throughout her journey. At times her humor was disguised in her work of dying and at other times, it was so apparent that after one difficult night our Mother had with ,"sundowning," my brother, Billy said, "She still keeps us laughing, even up to the end!" Through our Mother's journey, she was able to give her children so many messages and precious gifts of love as she prepared for her death. And we were able to give her, in return, the love and the strength that she needed to be able to leave the most important people in her life, and her children which she referred to as "her pride and joy and her reason for living." At 12:00 on Wednesday night, Diane seemed to sense that I was having a hard time with our Mother in bed and got out of her bed to begin what we now know as the "vigil." We were able to lay in the bed with her. Diane cradled pillows to support her at her head and at times would even gently rock her in her lap. Diane was our pillar of strength. She had the ability to talk to our mother and myself, to soothe her, and direct our Mother into "God's kingdom." Diane's position at our Mother's head was so significant as I think about it now, because she was always at the head of OUR family throughout the years, pulling us together, organizing and planning our events. On the wall facing Diane there happened to be a crucifix which she and our Mother would focus on during our vigil. At 3:30 AM, our mother was finally resting peacefully, and later that day Diane was able to symbolize this period of time from 12:00 until 3:30 as a reflection of the time that Jesus spent on the cross. How awesome it was for our Mother to have followed in the Lord's footsteps, but to a much lesser degree, as what He suffered on Calvary. So at 3:30, our Mother and I had finally fallen off to sleep and then Diane got out of her "cramped up" position in our Mother's bed , and after much stretching, she returned to her own bed for just a few hours before having to get up to go to work. This was another gift that our mother gave to her children, "the strong work ethic". We also realize now that our Mother's residential move, during the previous year, was necessary in order for her to have her wishes fulfilled and we know that God's hand was in this as well. To quote our mother, "this was a blessing in disquise." During her last week and although it was difficult, we were all able to give comfort to our mother and each other by our presence, and in our many different ways such as by our touch, kisses, words, messages and many, many hugs. Our mother especially liked the suggestion of a big hug or a dance request when we needed to move her from the wheelchair to a chair or bed. She would even show us a little dance in her wheelchair from time to time, while she listened to the "big band swing" CD that we often played for her. In the few days that followed her death, our Mother still continued to send us her love and messages as she cried for her children in the rain of the day. And we are sure that she w DOUGHERTY?Marie E. nee Bitner ?Ree Ree? of Westville Grove, NJ on Sept. 14, 2005. Aged 78 years. For over 20 years Marie was the owner of Claire?s Hairstyling in Westville. Her lively and good humored personality fostered a successful business as well as haven for her customers who quickly became friends. Marie was a woman fiercely devoted to her faith; she?d often say: ?If you don?t have your faith, you don?t have anything.? She was a longtime, devout member of Most Holy Redeemer RC Church, but would also enjoyed midnight Mass on TV daily. Marie enjoyed home projects which included painting, watching Fox 29 News and visiting the local Heritage?s. She is the beloved wife of the late John J., devoted mother of Diane Mays, John , Katherine A. Smart, James P., William E. and Mary Ellen Dougherty, dear sister of Helen Fields, loving grandmother of 11 and great grandmother of 1. Relatives & friends are invited to her viewing Sat. 8:30-9:45 AM in the McGuinness Funeral Home, 34 Hunter St., Woodbury. Funeral Mass Sat. 10:30 AM in Most Holy Redeemer RC Church, Westville Grove, NJ. Entombment New St. Mary?s Cemetery Mausoleum, Bellmawr. 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